No Laughing Matter: Lennox Brothers Romantic Comedy Read online

  Mom opened her mouth then closed it again, visibly deflating. She drank more Gin.

  “Come on,” I said to Mason, motioning him out. I walked him down the hallway, and the closer we got to the door, the worse the smell got. When I opened it, we both clapped our hands over our noses.

  “I’ll clean the porch for you,” said Mason from behind his hand.

  “No, I’ll do it.”

  “Consider it part of my apology. When I got back from Mexico, I assumed you knew about the affair.”

  “If you’d spoken to me, you would have found out I didn’t. And realizing you’ve been kept in the dark is the worst feeling in the world.”

  “I’m sorry.” He looked stricken, but I didn’t want apologies, just honesty.

  “I have to talk to Mom now. Leave the poop. I’ll deal with it later.”

  “Call me if you need anything.”

  I shut the door behind him and went back to the living room. Mom was on the couch in the living room, staring balefully at the glass she was holding. I sank down next to her, not caring about the egg that was still on my clothes.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked Mom.

  “What good would it have done? Our families were already broken beyond repair, and you would have blamed me, just like Edward did.” She sighed so heavily that Xul ambled over to put his head in her lap. “And though I’ve never cared what people think, San Dante is a small town at heart. After Edward’s wife left, there was a lot of gossip, and I was worried you’d hear it. When our feud started, the neighbors talked about that instead, and stopped speculating about an affair.” She stroked Xul’s head.

  My lips parted as her words registered and I finally realized the truth. “Your feud was a smoke screen.” I shook my head. “All this time. Those nasty pranks you and Ed played on each other. The things you put in each other’s mailboxes and on each other’s lawns. It was all a ruse.”

  “It started that way. I know this is a shock, Carlotta, but my love affair with Edward finished a long time ago. Almost fifteen years.”

  “That’s how long you’ve been lying to me. And not just about that. I’ve never been able to believe you about anything.”

  “But—”

  “You had me convinced for years that I was royalty and would inherit a castle. I watched The Princess Diaries a million times, and spent hours practicing my royal wave.”

  She put her glass on the coffee table, dislodging Xul’s head from her lap. Then she leaned forward, her eyes pleading. “But didn’t you find it exciting?”

  “Not when the mean girls at school drew a crown on my head with permanent marker.”

  “I couldn’t stop them from being jealous.”

  “When my pet rabbit disappeared, you said he’d run away to Wonderland to live with Alice. You said Snowy liked Alice better than he liked me.”

  Her brow creased. “Would you rather I told you Snowy was killed by a dog?”

  “At least it would have been the truth. What you told me made me miserable.”

  “That’s why I wrote you a letter from Snowy. So you’d know he was thinking of you.”

  “Mom.” I glared at her. “The letter said he’d jumped down a rabbit hole.”

  A hint of guilt finally stole over her expression and she frowned at Xul who’d lain down by her feet. “Well, how was I to know you’d go looking for it and get lost?”

  “I was seven. What did you think would happen?” I shook my head. “I’m just glad I only spent one night sleeping rough before the police found me. And that it wasn’t quite cold enough for my fingers and toes to turn black and fall off.”

  “I thought the letter would excite your imagination. It was pages long, and the rabbit hole was just one small part of it. What about the part where Snowy fought the Red Queen? You have to admit that was thrilling.”

  “You wrote that letter for yourself, not for me. You had fun writing it, and didn’t care about what effect it might have.” As awful as I felt, it was a relief to say out loud all the things I’d been thinking for years.

  “Carlotta, I—”

  “I never knew what was real. That’s why I wanted to become an actress, so I could be sure what was make-believe. So I’d finally get to be the one in charge of reality.”

  I watched her expression fall even more. “You’re right.” She reached out and took my hand, squeezing it tightly. “I did those things, but I didn’t realize…” She broke off, shaking her head. “No, I’m not going to keep making excuses. Only the truth from now on.”

  I stared down at her hand, desperately squeezing my limp one. I couldn’t remember when she’d last held my hand. Perhaps that was my fault. When I’d started realizing the extent of her lies and questioning everything she’d ever told me, I’d pulled away. I was the one who’d put a wall between us, though she’d never tried very hard to breech it.

  “Maybe some good could come from this,” I said slowly. “Perhaps you could be more honest with me, so eventually I can start trusting what you tell me.”

  “Yes! I will, and you can.” She exclaimed it so quickly, I doubted she really meant it. But her eyes looked hopeful.

  “Does Declan know you had an affair with Edward?” I asked.

  She shook her head.

  “Are you going to tell him?”

  Her lips pursed, and the heavy lines in her face deepened. She looked old and unspeakably weary. “He doesn’t come home much. When he called to say his wife was leaving him, it was the first time we’d spoken in months.” She hesitated. “Will you tell him about my affair?”

  The question hit me as hard as if she’d swung a bat. If she refused to tell my brother, did that make it my responsibility? Declan was six years older than me, and hadn’t been living at home when Dad announced he was leaving for good. Still, he’d probably feel as hurt and confused about being lied to as I did, and he was already going through a rough time with his own marital problems. It was an awful thing to have to tell him. But didn’t he deserve to know?

  “I need to be alone for a while,” I told Mom, standing up. It was too much. I didn’t know what to think anymore.

  All my memories of childhood felt different now. When Mason and I used to meet up and hang out after school, had our parents secretly been meeting too?

  I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The dinosaur poop could wait until I was ready to clean it up.

  All I’d ever wanted was honesty. Was that too much to ask?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Mason

  While Carlotta and her mother were inside talking, I borrowed Dad’s shovel to clean the pile of shit off the porch. Once I was done, I washed up at Dad’s, then drove back to Asher’s. Resisting the temptation to check in with the surveillance team to find out if there’d been any developments, I went through the house to the back deck. I sat at the table and stared out at the sun going down over the ocean for a minute or two. Then I called Todd, my friend in the computer forensics department.

  “I was just leaving the office,” said Todd. “And I already told you it’d take a few days to find the information. I’ll call you when I have it.”

  “It’s urgent. Can you fast track it?”

  “First I have to do the work I was employed for, then squeeze this in. Besides, cracking an anonymous account isn’t something I can do in the space of a coffee break. It takes skill, and time, and—”

  “You can’t do it?”

  He made a snorting sound through his nose. “Is it life or death? You think this FowlFetish guy is about to kill someone?”

  “Probably not,” I admitted.

  “Then I’ll track down his real identity by the end of the week.”

  “Okay,” I said reluctantly. “Thanks.” I hung up thinking I should take Todd out for a beer sometime.

  The sun was almost down and the sky was darkening. I tapped my fingers on the table as I stared at the waves, picturing Carlotta’s face. She’d been so pale. So shocked. And I
’d had to force myself not to put my arms around her. The compulsion to make things better had been overwhelming, and I’d hated leaving Carlotta to deal with her mother on her own.

  At least I could make her house secure. I’d do the work while her mother was at school.

  “Hey.”

  The voice came from behind me, and I turned to see Asher, silent as usual and dressed in black, with Nemesis lurking in his shadow. He put two beers on the table and took the chair next to me. “Drink?”

  “Thanks.” I took a grateful sip of one of the beers and watched the black cat move to the edge of the deck, then jump gracefully onto the ground below, heading into the night. Probably out to steal underwear.

  That made me think of Carlotta’s Spock panties. It was strange to find a picture of Spock arousing, but I couldn’t stop picturing his face nestled snugly over her pussy, the Vulcan’s lips in the exact place I’d like to put mine.

  “Where no man has gone before,” I murmured, wondering if it were true.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing.” I cleared my throat, pushing images of Spock away. “Long day?”

  “You could say that.”

  “More problems with your business?”

  He nodded. “Always. It’s complicated.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Nope.”

  I gave him a faint smile, wordlessly communicating the fact that I’d known he’d refuse, but I’d be there for him if he ever did need to talk. He inclined his head in return.

  “I hate to ask,” I said, as he took another sip of his beer. “But could you spare some builders for a couple of hours tomorrow?”

  He lowered the bottle. His dark coloring made him blend in with the shadows, so he was little more than a silhouette. “To fix Trixie Watson’s front porch?”

  “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t urgent.”

  “Then they’ll be at her place by lunchtime.”

  I let out a breath, feeling relieved even though I’d known he’d agree. “Thank you.”

  If there was one silver lining from our fucked-up trip to Mexico, it was that my brothers would always have my back, no questions asked. Just like they knew I’d take a bullet for them.

  They also knew I’d be willing to break into houses at night and steal food and money from innocent strangers so they could eat. Been there, done that. And yeah, I recognized that my obsession with taking down every member of the Medea Cartel was probably because I was still trying to make up for not being able to better protect my brothers at the time, and so I could do a weird kind of penance for my crimes.

  I didn’t need a psychiatrist. I already knew how screwed up I was.

  Picking up my phone, I messaged Carlotta.

  You okay? Been worried.

  Her answer came back a minute later.

  I’m tougher than Chuck Norris. And he’s the one who put ‘laughter’ in ‘manslaughter’.

  I choked out a laugh, and when Asher gave me a questioning look, I read him her joke before typing in my reply.

  I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you about the affair. It was your mother’s secret so I wanted her to be the one to tell you.

  Staring at my phone, I waited for her answer. It seemed to take a long time.

  I guess it was better to hear it from Mom.

  I let out a relieved breath. She understood why I’d had to keep her mother’s secret, so maybe it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t tell her about my undercover work. It wasn’t like I wanted to lie about what I really did.

  I could at least be honest about going back to work in Houston, and let her know whatever was between us would have to end very soon. But in the short time we had, I wanted as much time with her as she was willing to give. Once I went back to the nightmare of cartel life, any day could be my last. She made me feel good, and I didn’t want to waste a minute of that.

  Okay if I come and fix your porch tomorrow lunchtime? I messaged.

  Why is fixing the porch so important to you?

  Damsel. Distress. It’s a thing for me, remember?

  I sent the message, then realized it wasn’t the whole truth. If I couldn’t be honest with her about everything, she deserved as much as I could give her.

  I want you to be safe… and I want to kiss you again.

  I was waiting for her to reply when Asher leaned forward. “What’s happening now? You look like it’s something important.”

  “Just talking about fixing her porch.”

  “If you want to send back a Chuck Norris fact, you could mention the only time he ever used a stunt double was when he had to cry on camera.”

  I debated with myself a moment, then typed the message in. From the delay it seemed Carlotta didn’t know what to reply to my kissing confession, and sending a joke might take the pressure off.

  Sure enough, a few moments after I sent it, my phone dinged again.

  Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer, so it’s too bad he’s never cried. P.S. My lips and I will see you tomorrow.

  I grinned, reading the last part over twice.

  “What’s funny?”

  I read Asher the first part of what she’d sent, though it wasn’t the part that had made me smile.

  “I like her,” he said. “Good sense of humor.”

  “She just found out about the affair.”

  His bottle stopped on the way to his mouth. “How’d she take it?”

  “Better than I imagined. But we should do something to end the feud between Dad and Trixie.”

  “I thought that’s why you were fixing her porch.”

  “Dad’s not on board. In fact, things went downhill today.” I thought about telling him about their egg battle, and decided some things were too weird to dwell on.

  Asher put his beer bottle down on the table slowly, and though it was too dark to know for sure, I could imagine his thoughtful expression.

  “You seem entirely focused on Carlotta,” he said.

  “She’s upset. The affair was a shock.”

  “What about the drug dealers next door? When are you going to arrest Santino?”

  “As soon as he takes possession of a drug shipment.”

  “When will that be?”

  “Are you getting sick of me staying here?”

  “I want to know when Santino will be behind bars.”

  I frowned suspiciously at him. “What’s going on? Is there something between you and Santino that I don’t know about?”

  He was silent for a while, and my heart sank. I resisted the urge to talk, letting the silence stretch, hoping he’d tell me what was going on. Asher wasn’t usually one for confidences, but we’d always been close.

  Finally, he let out his breath in a puff, as though he’d made a decision. “There are some things it’s better for you not to know,” he said. Which clearly meant he’d decided not to tell me.

  “You’re not involved with Santino, are you?” I asked.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then don’t ask any more questions.”

  It was my turn to huff out a breath. “Listen Asher. I didn’t think I had to say this, because I assumed you already knew. But you can always come to me for help. Doesn’t matter what it is. I’d do anything for you or Kade. You know that, right?”

  “We’d do anything for you too.”

  “I have some money saved. It’s yours if you need it.”

  “Thank you. I don’t need it, but I appreciate the offer.”

  “That’s all I wanted to say.” I drank my beer silently, hoping he’d change his mind and let me into whatever was bugging him.

  Asher ran a finger down the outside of his beer bottle thoughtfully, wiping off the condensation. “Mason, I know you want to protect me, but I’m asking you not to worry. I may not be Chuck Norris, but I can handle pretty much anything.”

  “I know you can.”

  Asher was genius-level smart, and a problem solver by nature.
If he’d decided to work for NASA, they’d have landed an astronaut on Mars by now. Still, I couldn’t help but worry about his safety. It was just the way I was made.

  “Kade’s going to arrive on Friday,” Asher said after a while. “Dad wants us to meet at his place when he gets here.”

  “Okay.” But I was thinking about the fact I’d be back in Houston soon, and my family wouldn’t be able to contact me. Working for the Medea cartel, I’d been able to keep my personal cellphone for my brothers to call if they needed me. But with Diamond, I couldn’t risk having any link to my real identity. If Asher were in some kind of trouble, I wouldn’t know, and there’d be nothing I could do to help.

  Asher’s teeth flashed white in the darkness. “Cheer up. Things aren’t that bad.”

  “Not that bad?” My tone flattened. “Carlotta found out her mother’s been lying to her, some asshole’s obsessed with her and could escalate his attacks, you’re keeping secrets, and in spite of Dad’s heart problems he still refuses to eat anything that’s not loaded with sugar.”

  “Yeah,” Asher agreed, and I could hear a smile in his voice. “Hope Kade doesn’t have any problems, or you’ll really be screwed.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Mason

  A faint aroma of shit still lingered on Trixie Watson’s front porch as I set my toolbox down and leaned my ladder against the wall.

  “Replace these rotten boards,” I instructed Asher’s builders. “Make sure the porch is safe to walk on.” I’d promised my brother I’d let them get back to work at his construction site as soon as I could.

  When I knocked, Carlotta opened the door. I was grateful to see her smile.

  “Hey,” I said, some of my worry about her easing because she didn’t seem to still be upset. She was wearing a tailored shirt and skirt that made her look more business-like than I’d ever seen her.

  That’s right, she’d said something about getting a part-time office job. My mind immediately flashed to a boardroom fantasy, with Carlotta a sexy CEO demanding to be satisfied. I had to shake my head to get rid of the picture.