The Engagement Game Page 15

  Jake flinched. Carin knew him too well.

  Keeping his guard down with an effort, he allowed a little of his raw emotion to show. “You’re right. I’ve never wanted a relationship to last longer than a single night. Until now. I want more with you. A lot more.”

  He wanted to tell her that he didn’t trust himself and she shouldn’t either. But the words wouldn’t come out. He wanted her to trust him. If only he could be sure he deserved it.

  She shook her head, her brow creased. Her eyes were usually a rich, warm brown, but now they were dark. “You could have told me about going away to the Northern Territory. We’ve spent every minute of the last few days together. Why are you only telling me now?”

  Good question. He hadn’t mentioned it because he’d known she’d be disappointed. And even when things had progressed, he hadn’t said a word. In spite of knowing how selfish he was being, he’d wanted to make love to her.

  Jake pressed his lips together. The truth was ugly.

  Carin nodded, as though he’d replied aloud. “I thought so.” Her voice broke, and Jake could have kicked his own stupid ass.

  He’d hurt her. Again. Was this the way he was doomed to be?

  23

  After breakfast, all the contestants were hustled into the speedboats and taken to an island larger than Lantana. Carin caught a glimpse of a luxurious-looking resort on one side of the island, but they were dropped off onto a narrow, deserted beach on the other side. Unlike Lantana, this island had a large mountain in the middle of it, and they were standing near the start of a steep-looking track that wound its way up to its peak.

  They’d had to wait on the stony beach in the hot sun while the crew got set up, but now Timmy was standing in front of them, making the kind of speech he did before every challenge. Four large kettlebells were on the sand beside him.

  With the cameras on them, Carin should be channelling her inner fallen angel. But she was still dizzy and confused. How was she supposed to concentrate on anything when Jake was leaving for so long?

  Maybe she’d been an idiot to expect anything different from him. How many hearts had he broken? When they were growing up, Jake’s father would often disappear for a few days. Sometimes he’d come home to his clothes dumped on the front lawn or the locks changed, but Jake’s mother had always taken him back.

  Everyone had forgiven Jake’s father. They’d put him on such a high pedestal that he’d gotten away with treating their mother like crap. And the fact that Hendrix had cheated on his wife as shamelessly? Perhaps the commitment gene was missing from their DNA.

  “This Labor of Love won’t be easy,” said Timmy, drawing her mind back to the show. “Sometimes in life, you have to carry heavy burdens. But as a married couple, you’ll get to share the load and face all obstacles together. Which is exactly what you’ll need to do to win today’s challenge.” He gestured to the kettlebells at his feet. “These are the weights you’ll need to carry. They’re 60 pound kettlebells. Each team will need to work together to get their burden to the finish line on the peak of that hill.”

  Carin groaned silently. Was he serious? That was a mountain, not a hill. And it was already so hot, perspiration was making her T-shirt feel sticky.

  “You’ll be racing the other teams to the top. You can pass the weight between you as much as you like, but you’ll be disqualified if your kettlebell touches the ground.” Timmy paused. “Any questions?”

  Carin glanced at Jake. She wanted to mutter something about how he’d have to carry her as well as the kettlebell when she passed out from heatstroke, but bit her lip instead.

  She had no idea where things stood between them. And he wasn’t giving her any hints about how he felt. His expression was inscrutable. He’d pulled away from her in the way she hated most. Again.

  “Are you ready?” Timmy stepped back from the kettlebells, clearing the path for them to grab one and run — or stagger — to the start of the uphill track.

  Carin stepped closer to Jake so she could nudge him with her shoulder. She needed some kind of emotion from him. Anything. But he didn’t respond.

  Raising both arms like an official at the start of a Formula One race, Timmy yelled, “Get set.”

  The other couples crouched, ready to run for the weights.

  Jake was still staring at Timmy, his face registering nothing. A cold chill ran down Carin’s spine. Why wouldn’t he look at her?

  Timmy swept his hands down. “Go!”

  The others leapt into action, running to heave up their kettlebells. Jake didn’t move.

  “What are you doing?” Carin demanded.

  When he didn’t answer, she followed his gaze to the other contestants. The kettlebell’s handle was barely wide enough for two hands. Sally and Sam were staggering away, carrying it awkwardly between them. The Wolves were doing the same. Benchpress was carrying their kettlebell on his own, and he set a fast enough pace up the track that the cameraman trailing him was struggling to keep up.

  Finally, Jake focused on her, a small frown pulling his brows together. “I didn’t hear him say anything about not using tools, did you?”

  So that blank look had been because he’d been thinking about the best way to win the challenge? She didn’t care about carrying the kettlebell. Come to think of it, why had she ever wanted to be an actress? She hadn’t been able to face eating fish for breakfast, so her stomach was empty and her head throbbed. The sun was so harsh, her sweat was making embarrassing wet marks on her shirt. She had no mirror, so probably looked like a frizzy-haired, scarred mess. Was this whole thing really worth it?

  “We need a strong stick.” Jake walked to a tree and managed to snap off a branch. He pushed the stick through the handle of the kettlebell and Carin took one end of the stick while Jake took the other.

  At least now they could start the race. The sooner they finished the challenge, the quicker they could get back to Lantana and lose their microphones. They’d been summoned by the crew this morning before they could finish talking through the fact that Jake was leaving, and she hated that they’d had to leave things in a bad place.

  “You go in front,” Jake said. “So I can match your pace.”

  With her end of the stick resting on her shoulder, the kettlebell was light enough for Carin to face forward and walk easily. But the track quickly got steep, and the weight seemed to get heavier and heavier. Soon her chest was heaving and her clothes dripping with sweat.

  When they rounded a bend, they saw Sally and Sam just ahead, still staggering along awkwardly, holding the kettle bell between them. With each step, they looked like they were going to fall over the thing. It was too heavy to carry like that, but they were sticking with it anyway, too stubborn to take turns with it or figure out a different way.

  Carin and Jake caught up to them quickly because Sally and Sam were lurching from side to side, taking up the entire width of the track. With trees and scrub lining the sides of the track, there was no way to get around them.

  “Coming through,” called Jake. “Make room.”

  When Sally glanced back, Carin could see the exhaustion in her face. Sam moved to the side to leave a gap. But as Jake and Carin moved to overtake, Sally stumbled. Her legs got tangled in the kettlebell she was carrying, and she fell heavily into Sam who was launched sideways, into Carin’s back. Carin was shoved forward, and with a yelp she dropped her end of the stick, reaching both hands out to stop her fall.

  Something bulky hit her legs, jarring her so she landed heavily. It took a moment to clear her head, and by that time Jake was by her side.

  “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He crouched by her head and smoothed her hair back from her face. At least his eyes had lost their remote expression. They were filled with such concern that she wanted to hang onto his hands and never let them go.

  “I’m okay,” she managed.

  He helped her struggle up to sitting. “Are you sure?” When she nodded, he turned to Sally and Sam. Both of them were
on the ground, and blood poured from a cut above Sam’s eye.

  “Oh no.” Carin’s stomach lurched at the sight of all that blood. “What happened?”

  “He clocked his head on the kettlebell,” Jake ripped his T-shirt off so he could press it against Sam’s wound. “How are you feeling, Sam? Woozy? Did you get knocked out?”

  Sam looked dazed, but his voice was strong enough. “No, I’m okay. Just a cut, I think.” He took the T-shirt from Jake and winced as he held it to his forehead.

  Jake turned to Sally. “And you?”

  “My wrist hurts.” She moved it and gave a shriek. “Oh, it really hurts.”

  Jake glared at the two cameramen who were still filming. “One of you go and get a doctor.”

  “Can’t,” said one. “Bozier will give us hell if we don’t keep filming.”

  Jake cursed and moved to stand up. “I’ll go.”

  “No.” Sally grabbed for him. “Don’t leave me, Jake. Please.” She clung to Jake with tears coursing down her cheeks, and the sight made Carin’s stomach turn over.

  This was what Jake did. After waking up beside him, how many women had begged him not to leave them? And this morning, in spite of thinking that with her it would be different, she’d ended up doing exactly the same thing.

  Carin scrambled to her feet. The fall — and Sam landing on her — had jarred her, but amazingly she wasn’t injured. She had to get away. Get some air.

  “I’ll go,” she said, already starting to jog back down the path before anyone could object.

  It was a lot quicker running downhill without the kettlebell to slow her down. When she reached the bottom, she explained what had happened and the doctor took off up the track with some of the crew.

  Carin followed at a much slower pace. By the time she rejoined the group, the doctor was examining Sally’s injured wrist. Jake was on Sally’s other side and the long-legged blonde was still clinging to him, her face against his shoulder.

  Sam was sitting on a fallen tree beside the path while a crew member cleaned the gash on his forehead. He was glowering at Jake. Of course he was. Sally had her arms around him.

  Carin told herself there was no point in being jealous, but her throat had gone dry. Even if she could convince Jake not to move to the desert, this what she’d have to look forward to. With Jake’s track record, how could she not be suspicious of him, or jealous of every other woman who grabbed his attention?

  She didn’t want that. It was no way to live.

  Jake finally noticed Carin was back, and his gaze met hers. He gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry,” he mouthed.

  She shrugged, though she didn’t think he really was sorry. It looked like he was enjoying playing the hero while an attractive woman snuggled up to him.

  Her expression must have made her feelings obvious, because he untangled himself from Sally and came to her, putting his hands on her arms.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Fine.” It came out curt.

  “I was forced to comfort Sally because she was in pain and wouldn’t let me go. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  His explanation sounded so reasonable, she could hardly object. Carin let out a long breath, getting herself under control. Maybe Jake wasn’t the one with the problem. Maybe she was the one who couldn’t get over their past and would never be able to forget he’d cheated on her all those years ago. Was she just waiting for him to do it again?

  Jake slid his arms around her back and pulled her close. “We can do this,” he murmured in her ear. “Let’s give each other — and ourselves — a chance.”

  Carin closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. They were both hot and sweaty, but she liked the way he smelled.

  If only this could work. What if she could share her life with her best friend? What if somehow they could have it all?

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about going away,” he murmured in her ear. “Let’s figure it out together. Make some kind of plan. Okay?”

  His lips found hers, and he kissed her so tenderly she wanted to cry.

  If only he was right, and things could work out between them. Maybe if she didn’t think about all the things that could go wrong, they really would have a chance. All she had to do was not let herself worry about how much she had to lose.

  24

  That night in their shelter, Carin tried to forget her doubts and fears. Jake’s kisses made it easier. She got lost in them so easily. His touch drove everything from her mind except how good he felt.

  Lying next to her on their leaf bed, his lips were gentle on hers. She loved the way he kissed her. Sometimes his kisses were passionate and intense, and sometimes they were so soft she felt delicate and precious. Whatever his mood, with one brush of his lips he could make her feel as though she were the most important person in his world.

  The firelight flickered, casting strange shadows. Jake was wearing boxer briefs, and she was in a T-shirt and panties that felt not-quite-dry after she’d washed them in the sea with a bar of hand soap. She could still smell the fish they’d cooked for dinner over the smoky fire. Jake’s skin tasted of salt from the swim they’d had earlier and his unshaven chin was rough. She’d remember the scents and feel of this place forever. Though it was a long way from the comfort of her soft bed at home, right now she didn’t want to be anywhere else. She’d like to freeze this moment and stay here forever.

  “So beautiful,” Jake whispered, drawing his fingertips down her cheek. When his fingers grazed her chin, she automatically reached for his hand to pull it away.

  “You don’t want me to touch your scars?” he murmured.

  She shifted, embarrassed. “I don’t like being reminded of them.”

  His lips moved from her mouth to her cheek and he kissed his way gently down to her chin. Though she was conscious of her pockmarks under his mouth, it still felt good.

  “You know what makes you so beautiful?” he asked softly. “It’s not just one thing. It’s the whole lot together. The way you are and the things from the past you carry around with you. It all makes you the person you are today. That includes your scars. They’re just as lovely as the rest of you.”

  “Lovely.” She snorted. “If only I could have them removed.”

  His lips moved to her ear and his breath tickled her throat, sending shivers across her skin. “I get wanting to erase the past. But when it comes to you, there’s only one thing I’d change.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The way I hurt you.”

  She caught her breath. His betrayal of her with Marianne Marple had been a forbidden subject for years. He’d never wanted to talk about it, and she’d known exactly the kind of reaction she’d get if she brought it up. His emotions would have slammed down like the thick metal door of a fallout shelter.

  “Why did you do it?” she asked, turning her face into his so their lips were almost touching. His hand rested on her hip and hers were curled into his chest.

  “I don’t know.” His sigh whispered across her skin. “I’ve asked myself that question a hundred times and I still don’t have an answer.”

  “I have a theory. I think you’re afraid that if you have a relationship, it’ll turn out like your parents’. You saw your mother suffer, thanks to your father. And because you don’t want that, you sabotage your relationships to make sure they don’t last.”

  Jake was silent for a moment. She couldn’t see more of his face than just his eyes, but at least they hadn’t gone cold. He looked like he was mulling over what she’d said.

  “Seems you’ve thought about this,” he said eventually.

  “Of course I have.”

  “I have an alternate theory to put forward.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Maybe I was just a thoughtless seventeen-year-old, full of hormones, with my brain in my pants instead of my head.”

  “Maybe.” She kissed his nose back. “But my theory explains the millions of dates you’ve had since.”

  He
drew his face away and a shadow fell over his eyes, making them hard to see. “There’s another theory to explain those. None of those women were you, so how could they measure up?”

  She snorted. “Be serious. You’re making it sound like you’ve been pining for me all this time. No, I think you’re a saboteur, whether you do it consciously or not.”

  Her theory explained why he hadn’t told her he was about to go away for two years. Problem was, if his aversion to relationships was as deeply-rooted as she suspected, he may never get over it.

  His hand dropped from her hip. “I want you to trust me.” All the humor had gone from his voice and he sounded far too serious. “But I’ve done nothing to earn it. And I’m not sure I trust myself.”

  Even in the dim light, she could tell his expression had gone blank. It made her stomach tighten.

  “Don’t close yourself off.” She lifted his hand, kissed it, then put it back on her hip. “Please, Jake. The important thing is to keep being open with each other.”

  He let out a harsh breath. “I hate the idea of hurting you again. If I had any self-control, I’d end it now, before it’s too late.”

  She ran her hand into his hair, feeling the thickness made by the salt the sea had left there. As well as she’d always known him, the way his hair felt after he swam was just one of the millions of things she’d discovered about him in the last few days. Maybe they were playing with fire, but the idea of stopping now? No, she couldn’t. Their relationship had changed and there was no going back. She didn’t want to go back.

  “I know the risks. We’ve talked about your issues and how you could let me down. My eyes are open. And I still want to try.”

  She kissed him and felt the resistance in him. The doubt. But when she ran her hands down his chest, he let out a sound of frustration and surrender.